i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you win again, gameday.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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