He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
