sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
