I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
