I hate all girls vehemently.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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