I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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