Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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