So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
