before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
