imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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