and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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