Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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