dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
