I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
