im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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