he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
