I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize