I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
