Having a random hookup so left but love u
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
