Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
