I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
