There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
