I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
