I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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