my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish you could order shots online.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
