her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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