pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
