The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
