I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
