My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
false alarm, still single
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
