You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
