I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
