it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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