She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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