wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
