is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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