I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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