There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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