things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
