omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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