Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry about my life...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize