but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
