How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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