That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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