My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i think i just lost a toe
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