Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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