they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
