I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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