So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
