He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
