By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
