man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize