uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
