onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
