Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
