Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
