I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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