mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
