dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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