I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
