But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize