mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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