Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
