I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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