K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
