Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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