And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its about making memories worth repressing
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
