and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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