I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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