I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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