chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
