i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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