There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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