Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize