Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
