tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
