census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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