Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
