So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
