Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
