I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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