shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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