'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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