why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
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