Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
