My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
