I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
