I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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