I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
