im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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